Magic Mushroom Lady

16Apr07

Ko Samui really was the glossy brochure British family resort i had been warned about. But “their beauty was not to be missed” so i went to see for myself. I arrived on the largest of the three sister islands and immediately headed to a more remote beach on the northern shore called Bo Phut. Picking a Lonely Planet recommendation i headed to “Moon” bungalows, transported by a motorcycle taxi (dunno how i stayed on). On arrival i had a quick look around the beach area, it was definitely a very peaceful place. I went into the reception and was greeted by a young hip looking Thai man, who asked me to call him “Shane”. We negotiated a price for a bungalow, a bit more expensive then i was hoping for but i agreed anyway. After throwing my stuff into the hut, i went into the beachfront restaurant and sat down to an iced coffee. The atmosphere of the place was a little odd, it was absolutely empty, yet they were playing this creepy sounding old romance music, it didn’t seem to fit at all – Freddie & The Dreamers and Jason Donovan etc, nasty. I ate dinner there once and then promised myself never again, it was a living nightmare sitting through about 20 of those songs.

One of the days i rented a motorbike and drove around the island, avoiding the crazy dogs and potholes as best i could. I went to see the huge Buddha statue, which, was less then mesmerising. I also took a random detour and headed to the interior of the island to a waterfall, supposedly spectacular. It’s a 2km hike from the parking area to the falls, and it passes over natural steps formed by tree roots, logs and rocks. It was a pleasant walk up, and on the way i met a strange looking couple. Jonathan was a Boston born man but claimed he had spent so long outside the U.S. he wasn’t really American anymore. He looked about 45 or so, but was well built except for a bulging beer belly. His girlfriend Tanya was a very free spirited and enthusiastic 40-50 year old British woman, who wore nothing but a raggedy green dress and dirty sneakers. We chatting on the way up about some normal tourist meets tourist banter and made it up to the falls quite quickly. On arrival we all had a quick cool off in the plunge pool, which was very refreshing. After getting out she told me a few days before she had gone further up the river to the “True falls” with her Thai friend, it was another 2km or so but was supposedly well worth it. “Come on, we are a team now” she said. I couldn’t help wanting to go with them, they were such oddballs i knew it would be entertaining. A Thai man near the pools warned us not to go up any further because King Cobras are everywhere in this part of the jungle, and the chance of an encounter is quite high. I bought an overpriced water off him but decided to head up anyway. So we set up climbing through the jungle. On the way up Tanya was telling me all her theories on why people were depressed in the world, thanks to office jobs and cities etc. Johnathan agreed with her sayings with a diluted Boston mumble at the end of each sentence, and i just listened and nodded. She starting going on after a while about how the jungle made her feel, “Alive, True” at which point she whipped off her dress and started prancing around naked. It was very amusing but i held back my laughter in case Johnathan didn’t take to kindly to it. He didn’t seem the least bit concerned that his lady was flaunting her womanhood in front of another man, I’m sure he figured i wasn’t interested – he was more then right. We got to a nice pool further up the river and we all entered for a cool dip (with my pants firmly on) and i got to hear the wonderful tales she had about her island life. “You spent 6 months on Ko Pha-Ngan? i asked with some bemusement, “What did you do?”. “I’m a writer” she proclaimed with that ever rich enthusiasm. Her book which was going to outsell all the Harry Potter’s put together was called “Tales of a magical fairy girl”. It sounded to me like an autobiography, as this woman has been eating magic mushroom pizzas there for her whole residency. When asking her boyfriend the same question he answered with some mumbles and then quickly changed the subject, he told me all about the abduction attempts on him in Myanmar. On the way back i noticed Tanya freeze a few meters ahead, and she turned a little white. My first thoughts were that she had spotted a snake, and it was hissing at her. I crept very slowly towards her, and she whispered in my ear “Be very still…. can you feel the energy? The energy of the jungle is so intense here. I imagine the jungle was born on this spot”. I bit my tongue and nodded with agreement. I told her i thought there was a snake or something, but she says not to worry about that. On her previous adventure another of her friends did have an encounter, the Cobra rose off the jungle floor hissing. She simply closed her eyes, thought of the snake and repeated “I love you, I love you, I love you”. The snake decided it loved her too, and slithered off. “Simply amazing” i proclaimed with a hint of sarcasm seeping though. She didn’t notice. She picked some wild mushrooms on the way as well, luckily Johnathan has the sense to make her throw them away. He didn’t want to have to carry her body back i guess…

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