Stick thin

21Apr07

Thailand is the fast-food capital of the world. Hands down, it beats every other contender. The McDonalds-scoffing people of the West don’t even have the slightest clue what it is to live off fast food. Every street from Bangkok to Chiang Mai is lined with food carts, stalls and vans. Every hour of every day you can’t do a 360 spin without spotting crowds of Thais happily munching away. Most nights there are food markets, selling nothing but pre-cooked delights that are being flung out in polystyrene trays to a nation of diners who never seem to get sick of it. Or fat from it, for that matter. The shopping centres are full of digital weighing machines that are duly ignored by the rake-thin Thais. The toned stomachs and non-existent bums on the front of magazines don’t look ridiculous any more, that’s what the people here look like. From the teeny toddlers, to the lanky teenagers, to the parents of the teeny toddlers, body fat isn’t the defining feature. It’s hardly a feature at all, only the grandparents have bellies. And even then, they look slim and healthy compared to the western norm. And amazingly, they snack all day and night. Fast food makes up a huge part of their diets, and if anything they seem to benefit from it. The obvious difference between our fast food and the Thai equivalent is what they are actually eating. Not all fatty meats (though they do love their meat), fresh vegetables and salad are a big part of the Thai stall experience. Noodle soups are as common as the deep fried chickens. You’re as likely to get a huge corn on the cob off the nearest BBQ as you are a burger. But the one thing that you’re almost guaranteed to get as part of the experience, it the omnipresent stick.

The Thai can serve ANYTHING on a stick! They even go to great lengths and come up with innovative ideas to make the stick part of the deal. These are a few of the things that I have seen being skewered, cooked, served and noisily enjoyed on a stick:

Fried fish

Grilled fish

Lumps of fish meat

Fish heads

Deep fried fish tails (like crisps to some strange people…)

Grilled chicken strips

Fried chicken pieces

Chicken ribs (takes ages to eat without skewing yourself!)

Chicken gizzards

Whole roast chicken (an architectural masterpiece involving 3 sticks)

Chicken balls

Pork balls

Bacon rashers (not quite up to Irish standards, the serve them with chilli!)

Boiled pork pieces

Bacon fat (I could feel my arteries clogging just by looking)

Pig snouts (very popular)

Beef pieces

Beef balls

Beef sausage

Pork sausage

Chicken Sausage

German sausage (frankfurters!)

Crab meat sausage

Shrimp Sausage

Rice and fish-meat sausage (this was a surprise to bite into)

Rice and crab-meat sausage

Grilled shrimp

Fried shrimp

Baked shrimp

Squid tentacles (chewy)

Whole squid

Octopus rings

Battered squid

Battered octopus

Battered fish

Battered Pineapple (like a fritter I guess…)

Strawberry’s

Melon pieces

Papaya pieces

Mango pieces

Durian pieces (this is an extremely smelly fruit that the Thai just love!)

Fried potatoes

Sweet potatoes

Roast potatoes

Roast peppers

Roast chillies

Stuffed baby cabbages

Spring rolls

Sushi

Fried locust (yummy!)

Fried grasshopper

Fried beetle

Fried worms

Wobbly things

Brown things

Crispy things

Brown wobbly things

Brown crispy things

Brown wobbly things with crispy bits

As you can probably gather, I found it somewhat difficult to tell the exact contents of some of the delicacies on offer. Some even after I had chewed my way through. Before I came to Thailand I had a made a promise to myself to try as many new kinds of food as I get the opportunity to eat. Then I ate the raw squid. And then I saw the fried insects. I came to the conclusion that even I have limits to what I will and wont eat. Certainly when there is already enough sane choices to keep me going for the next few years!

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